was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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