U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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