you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
