you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
