Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
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He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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