I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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