went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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