I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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