Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Less talking, more tequila
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
