Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
