I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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