If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
