need another drink. this is the easiest way
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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