I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
