just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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