I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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