Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how drunk are you?
Several
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
