The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize