The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
