Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
