i was born a porn star she said
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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