oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
