I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
