The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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