I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The power of my boobs compel you
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
