i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
