I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
