Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
