My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
this hospital has no fireball
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
