just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
