How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
