where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
