this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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