He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
