No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
