Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
