Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
