The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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