I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
