how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize