Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
