I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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