You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
