its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
