I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
