at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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