Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
