I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
