New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
