Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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