i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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