someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
