There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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