im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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