How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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