I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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