Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
