Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
