It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
