You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
