I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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