this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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