He had one of those small greek statue penises
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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