ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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