Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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