Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
