just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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